Nightmares
by Little Creek
Summary: After a nightmare, Sheppard seeks some solitude. But is that really what he needs? Some spoilers.


**AUTHOR'S NOTE: another short story. I just can't seem to finish any multi-chaptered ones. **

**DISCLAIMER: I don't own SGA.**

**WARNING: Spoilers for Rising, Hide And Seek, and Thirty Eight Minutes.**

**Nightmares**

I woke with a start, nearly falling off the bed, heart racing in my chest. I could still see the pleading in his eyes; feel that horrible moment of uncertainty as I moved my aim and the guilt as he dropped lifelessly to the floor. The gunshot still rang in my ears. I stood up, running a hand through my already messy hair, and headed for the door. The halls were mostly empty, I noticed, my feet moving without my command. I hardly knew where I was going, even as I broke into a jog. Someone called my name, but I kept running. I don't know how long I ran, but eventually I found myself on a pier overlooking the water. The cool breeze felt good on my sweaty skin, and I decided I'd just stay out here awhile. There was no moon, and I could see millions of tiny stars, scattered like glitter across the dark sky. It was so quiet I could hear the water slapping gently against the pier. I sat down, legs dangling over the edge, and sighed. If it wasn't shooting Colonel Sumner, it was the horrible feeling of the Iratus bug pressed against my neck, pincers digging deep into my flesh. Something moved behind me and I jumped, nearly falling off the pier as I turned, hand automatically reaching for my right thigh.

"Relax, Major, it's me."

Ford. I looked back out over the water, suddenly self-conscious. I didn't usually bother with pyjamas, and hadn't done for years, instead opting for casual clothes. Tonight was no exception, but my hair was a mess and I realized belatedly that I'd forgotten my shoes. Ford sat down beside me, not too close, but just close enough that surely he could smell the sweat that was now drying cold against my skin.

"What are you doing out here?" I asked, voice several octaves lower than usual.

"Couldn't sleep."

I nearly said _me neither, _but then changed my mind. It wasn't really any of his business. And I didn't feel like talking about it, anyway.

"What about you, sir?"

I shrugged, still avoiding eye contact.

"Just figured a little fresh air before I turn in for the night wouldn't hurt."

Ford nodded, also turning to look across the water.

"Sure is a nice night for it."

"Yeah."

Yes, honestly, it was a lovely night. But the images waited on the inside of my eyelids, ready to pounce if I dared to close my eyes again. I'd seen death before, of course. It wasn't the first time someone I knew had died. But never before had I fired the shot that killed them. _Don't think about it. Think about... Think about the Puddle Jumpers. Oh, no, that darned bug... Think about P-90s. No, no, actually don't think about them. Ok, try thinking about..._ I shuddered, feeling nauseous as my uncooperative mind provided the image of Colonel Sumner's corpse, old and wrinkled, feeding mark and bullet wound sickeningly visible on his chest.

"Sir? Are you alright?

I jumped again; heart thudding painfully and my stomach flipping. I'd forgotten about Ford. Taking a deep breath and hoping I wouldn't lose my dinner, I forced a smile.

"Yeah. Yeah, I'm fine."

Ford nodded, and then glanced away uncomfortably.

"Major... do you... do you ever have... nightmares?"

He was virtually squirming on the edge of the pier, eyes looking everywhere but at me. Y_ou just had to ask that, didn't you?_

"Well, sometimes I... Yeah, I do."

Ford looked relieved, and for the first time our eyes met.

"After everything we've seen, I think it's fairly normal."

"You really think so?"

_Oh, man, Ford. _He looked so young. Too young to have seen all those horrors – the Wraith, the darkness, the bug... And that moment where he had to defibrillate me.

"I hope so; otherwise it means we both have problems with our heads."

Ford chuckled. There was a long moment of silence, but this time it wasn't quite so overwhelming. The images seemed duller, further away. Eventually we both stood up and walked back inside. I felt suddenly awkward as we paused there.

"We... we won't talk about this to anyone, ok?"

"Of course not, sir. And... thanks."

"Anytime, Lieutenant."

And then he walked down the hall with a bounce in his step. I shook my head. He was such a kid. And I thought for probably the millionth time how lucky I was to have such a good team. Ford was pretty much the opposite of McKay – where McKay lamented how we were all going to die, Ford was seeing the good in everything. He was an optimist in every sense of the word. But McKay had been the one who got that darkness thing to go through the gate. And Teyla's self control rivalled nearly everyone I knew, and she always seemed to know what to say – well, apart from the "it's like a Wraith" comment while I had a giant bug attached to my neck. _That_ wasn't really helpful. Somehow though, we'd made it through each struggle, each time coming out a little battered but not broken. Smiling for the first time in days, I started down the hallway.


End file.
